It has been nearly a year and a half since I walked across the stage and received my college diploma. I spent four and a half years working my tail off for a degree in chemistry. The beginning of my pre-life crisis bubbled up during my last semester in college... resulting in a minor in religion, and therefore an extra six months of school. I had spent my high school career claiming I would be a scientist. Now why would a 16 year old claim such a thing? Simple: I was good at it. I got straight A's in all my science classes, found myself president of the science club two years straight, and was constantly amused at the chance to dissect small animals.
The truth was though... I was good at everything back then. As snobby as this may sound, it is true. I was excellent at English and could write on a college level from when I was in middle school. I took advanced math classes from freshman year. After taking all four years of French by the time I was a sophomore, I decided to polish off Spanish as well.... With all this potential... why did I choose the exhausting route of chemistry?
At 18 I started my four year collegiate path at a small liberal arts school in Louisiana. My friends and I were all medical school bound, and immediately declared our various science majors. The next four exhausting years brought knowledge, skill, and poise.... but with it came confusion, annoyance, and regret.
How are we possibly expected to know what we want to do with our life at the age of 18? Given that you are supposed to explore your options in college.... is that ever really an option? I was not willing to spend seven years in college, so I immediately made up my mind that it had to be done in four. Throughout the four years it was required you explore classes in English, business, sociology, psychology, etc. While these are very interesting indeed... you cannot very well change your major as a senior after enjoying a semester in sociology. You get stuck. You pick a major and pray to the gods the choice doesn't smack you in the face years later.
I got smacked. After declaring my major freshman year, the next few semesters flew by fine. I was enjoying my science classes because they were easy. I felt smart and useful in class, along with the accompanying labs. I was also naturally enthralled with college life as a whole. Being away from home, meeting new people, being on my own... it wasn't until junior year that things began to get out of my control. My classes got tough.... really tough. Biochemistry, physical chemistry, calculus 2.... I couldn't stand any of it. Not only did I find it a challenge, I barely even found it interesting. There were only 5 chemistry majors to stand by my side day in and day out. We had taken the road less taken, and there was no turning back.
My grades began to slip. Not a major slip, but anything less than a B hurt my pride. I began to party more often.... and travel. Oh the risks that come with travel. Not risks like being mugged or kidnapped.... the risks that come with outing a free spirit. I wanted to do everything, try everything, be everything. I became obsessed with any religion class I could get my hands on. I eventually accumulated enough credits to receive my minor in it. I thirsted for anything that didn't revolve around chemicals and proteins... and the bloody history of world religions took my fancy. It also made me realize how little passion I had for my chemical future. I skipped at the chance to apply to medical school. I wanted nothing to do with it. I was pressured to apply to graduate schools the last semester of my senior year. I pretended to of course, but how could I choose a 5 year PhD program when I barely cared for my current chemistry classes?
I still managed to graduate with a 3.5 in the spring of 2009. I came home with my diploma, sat on my floor, and cried.
I want to blog about what happened next, and what still continues to happen. This pre-life crisis that began nearly a year and a half ago is still in full force. I want nothing more than to share my story, help anyone experiencing the same problem, and get feedback from you all.
it is ridiculous that we are told that we must decide what our career will be for the rest of our life at the age of 18. That is wayyyyy to young for anyone to know what they want. Unlike you i did not stick to my major to finish on time. I graduated hs in 07, have changed majors twice, and wont graduate till '13 probably. alot of money down the drain. but worth it i think. i look forward to your writings!
ReplyDeleteThank you for starting this blog charlotte. I relate to the situation as a function of my past, since you started following my blog you can read about that in the intro if you haven't already. It is ridiculous. Many of us still don't know what we really want by 30. The reality of that is we do not take the time to learn about ourselves so how can we possibly know what we want to do with our lives? Doesn't science tell us that the male brain doesn't even mature until 25? or something like that. Females are faster and that shows in their maturity. So we are being told to choose what to do with our lives before our brains are even developed? lol, what a joke! I could on and on...
ReplyDeleteI have a 22 yr old daughter in her senior year as a biology major. Your story sounds very similar. She now hates most of her biology/chem classes, but it's too late to turn back, and she has no idea what she wants to do with her biology degree. Once medical bound, she changed her mind along the way...too much work.
ReplyDeleteShe has decided to do a 2-yr stint in the peace corps, hoping to figure it all out during that period.
I'm really looking forward to your posts. Maybe I will get her to follow along too.
P.S. - I agree with the other comments. It's very difficult to really know what you want at the age you're expected to make that decision. I don't envy the youth of today with all the pressures placed upon them.
Luckily the average adult changes careers (not jobs) five times. I read that somewhere, and as I write it I realize that it may not be entirely true. But even if it isn't, it is comforting to know that the idea of changing careers five times exists. Another way to look at your degree is as simply a jumping off point. Your are not doomed to a lifetime of a job you hate. You have become educated, and have a specialty. That is never a disadvantage. Whether or not you use that as your only lifeline or as a place to begin is entirely in your control. And you don't have to choose right away what you will do forever. As a matter of fact, you never have to make that choice. That helps me as I go through the same thing, except I do not have a degree because I have been paralysed by the notion of "forever". I am only now beginning to see that nothing I do is irrevocable, (until I have children of course) that I can ALWAYS change direction if I want to.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry this comment was so long, I'm new to this and it may be a huge faux pas in the world of blogging, but your blog resonated with me so much because I feel like I am coming out of it myself. I hope that helps you a even a little ;)
@Impact Sensitive- It's ridiculous. I feel like the older I get the more angry I feel about it. What I really find interesting is that about 90% of my friends seem happy with where they are and the degree they received.
ReplyDelete@Julie- Definitely have your daughter follow. I'd like to read hers too. I really considered the Peace Corp a couple years back, also. My hats off to anyone who can do it. I think it would be an amazing experience and really put things into perspective.
@Newbloggergal- I'm so down for changing careers five times. I just need to start my first career. Haha. And I like the long comments. It's nice knowing there are people out there who are as verbose as I am. I have started this thing completely blind, so bring on all the faux pas'. We will figure it out... Blogging for sure, and maybe even a little about life. :)
90% sounds about right Charlotte. That is a typical percentage of sheep following the flock. When they realize they are being led to slaughter house they will scatter. Well the ones that don't just accept it anyway. I hope we do learn about life together, that is what my blog is all about too :)
ReplyDelete